It seems things often go wrong the first time one tries them. They shouldn’t for most people, but for some reason, I seem to be quite unlucky.
I decided to try the Magic Dragon for the first time. It was a friend’s birthday party, and everyone was already high and having a good time. They had a huge bong out to smoke with, The Zong, and it just looked so tempting. The smoke looked almost seductive as it filled the wide twists and turns of the thick glass. It was calling out to me. When I finally worked up enough courage to try it, all eyes were on me.
Everyone was giving me different instructions and making me laugh, which made it hard to concentrate enough to accomplish the task at hand. Finally, I was ready. I put my lips into the opening and started sucking as Boyfriend lit the goods. He was going to tell me when to stop sucking so as to not over do it for my first time. I was breathing in slowly but hard. I could see the yellow and white smoke dance up the bong, into my throat, and down to my lungs. I was starting to drift off to a happy muffled sound paradise when suddenly, fuzzy voices were yelling and screaming at Boyfriend. Their chaos brought me back to reality, which was to realize Boyfriend had kept the bowl in the Zong (which is supposed to be taken out), and he’d kept lighting it. I pulled my face out of the depths of the smoke filled pipe and started choking. My entire esophagus was on fire! I couldn’t breathe because I was coughing so hard. I ran from the couch and into the kitchen. Found a glass, filled it with water, and started chugging. I was chugging water as fast as I could to put the fire out. I even started gargling the water in hopes that would tame the flame within my chest.
I was dying. I was sure of it. There was no other thought going through my mind. The burning in my throat and lungs was exactly how Hell was going to feel, but all over my body. I tried getting angry at boyfriend, but it hurt to talk. Boyfriend thought it would be a bright idea to have me eat a dip with jalepenos in it…. That didn’t happen. I knew putting anything solid down my throat, especially hot things, would only make the pain worse. I walked outside into the harsh cold air. That helped a little. I tried to take in deep soothing breaths of the cold air, but that only made me cough again. I stood in the cold. Breathing slowly as I clutched my throat and heart, which burned and pounded. My head felt heavy and tight as my brain licked up the THC, which it was taking in for the first time ever. I went back inside and chugged more water. I walked into the bathroom and splashed cool water on my burning face. This helped a great deal. The pain in my throat and lungs was slowly subsiding, so I went back to the room where everyone was. I sat next to Boyfriend and just laid there.
I was high. Blazed. The lights hurt my eyes so I squinted. I tried to pay attention to the conversations around me but all I could manage to do was lie on Boyfriend and close my eyes. I vaguely remember hearing I looked like a kitten all curled up. I took it as a compliment. As I was getting used to the feeling of being high, I was slowly able to pay more attention to people around me. One person kept making snide comments about me and being high. I wanted to retort and make witty comebacks against him or even defend myself, but all I could manage to do was smile and giggle. I tried not to, but that made me smile even more. I was in complete euphoria.
I began to feel the urge to eat. We had donuts. There was nothing I wanted more right then, than a donut and some peanut butter M&Ms. I tried to get up off the couch to go get them, but I couldn’t find the motivation. It just seemed like so much work to get up and accomplish such a task. I asked for help. Others, who also wanted donuts, got me two. Double the pleasure. I smiled gaily at the fact that I had two yummy donuts all to myself. I bit into the first and savored the buttermilk taste. Before I knew it, it was gone. Someone wanted to try my donut, but I snatched it away before they had a chance. It was my delicious buttermilk donut and I would defend it with my life if I had to! I even chomped on it devilishly to prove it was mine. I realized I was being selfish, and wanted someone else to share in this delicacy, so I gave the rest of it to the person who originally tried to take it from me. I felt beyond happy that I’d done something that brought joy to another’s life. It soon came time to move.
Boyfriend had gotten up to grab something, and expected me to move over when he came back. It seemed an impossible task. I stared at my right leg willing it to move. It sat there. I stared harder, trying to make my yet to be discovered telekinetic powers to come into action. Nothing. Finally, Boyfriend and I both grabbed my right leg and moved it over toward the right. Next came left leg, then butt. I felt very proud for accomplishing this impossible deed. However, I hadn’t moved far enough, so the process had to ensue again. I was finally in the right spot, and just sat there staring off into oblivion.
It soon came time to leave. I didn’t want to leave. Leaving meant moving, which was so hard to do. I was comfortable. I had M&Ms still, and chip dip. There was nothing more I needed in life. To make me get up and lose it all seemed unnecessary. I didn’t want to leave. Boyfriend told me we had to before we got tired. I sank deeper into the couch. He got up and urged me to get up as well. I stared at him. He left the room to go get something, expecting me to get up by the time he got back. I stared at my legs again, wishing I could simply teleport back home.
Then, I heard some faint music wafting from somewhere and started dancing with my feet. I’d created such an exotic sit down foot dance that I was entranced, and couldn’t focus on anything else. A harsh laugh came from somewhere. It was the guy who’d been giving me trouble all night. I still tried to get back at him, but all that escaped my mouth was a burst of laughter. I decided I had to get up off the couch to save my dignity. With all my force and concentration, I lifted myself off the couch. Success! Now, how do I walk again? Right foot, left foot. Right foot, left foot. Left foot, left foot? COLORS!
As I’d tried to walk a short distance, I got distracted by some colors on a piece of paper. I stared at them for who knows how long. It could’ve been five seconds; it could’ve been five minutes. I hadn’t a clue. I was simply happy to be staring at such a pretty array of blue, green, pink, and yellow. I somehow ended up outside and in the car. My conclusion is I finally managed to teleport.
Boyfriend drove us to my house to grab puppy, then to his house to relax. It had snowed that day and the entire landscape was covered in snow. Puppy + Snow = happiest puppy on Earth. Puppy was gaily running rampant in the fenced off front yard, racing back and forth, letting the snow fly all around him. I watched giggling uncontrollably. Boyfriend, who’d been inside the house, came back out to alert me that the power was out. I couldn’t quite comprehend the full meaning of this. In the past when I’d been in a power outage my family had been prepared with candles and flashlights galore. I was simply used to people having these things around for times like this. Therefore, I wasn’t worried that there was a power outage. We’d light some candles and be fine.
Boyfriend doesn’t own candles or flashlights. This scared me. I don’t like the dark. When high, the dark terrifies me. I convinced myself there was a monster in the closet that was going to eat me, and insisted we close the door. Since the power was out and we had nothing to entertain us in the dark, we decided to simply go to bed. We locked all the doors, and settled in for the night. As I was drifting off to sleep, Puppy suddenly started growling. He does this sometimes, so I told him to be quiet. However, he started barking and barking. It wasn’t a happy-let’s-play bark. It was a defensive-there’s-an axe-murderer-out-there-who’s-going-to-kill-us bark. I couldn’t move because I was so scared. I looked at Boyfriend who looked at me, and we both looked at Puppy who kept barking. We tried listening to the sheer silence around us (once Puppy stopped barking), for any sign that there was an intruder. We couldn’t hear anything.
Since the power was out, the alarm system didn’t work. Boyfriend has been robbed and held captive with a knife to his throat once, so he was already paranoid about that. Add weed to the picture, and multiply the paranoia by 100. We were both scared shitless and didn’t want to move. I made Boyfriend go check things out. Puppy went with him. It seems Puppy was only barking to get our attention to make us let him go play in the snow some more.
We settled in again, and called the power company. It was four in the morning. The power wasn’t expected to come back until 9:30 am. In that time any number of things could go wrong. Number one being the axe murderer was under the bed waiting for us to fall asleep before he chopped us into little unidentifiable pieces. This thought kept me far from the edge of the bed and wide awake for a great deal of time. Finally I fell asleep, having dreams of who knows what. I woke up alive and in one piece, and... the dream morphed into something that I don't remember.
